Lacking

n. Deficiency or absence

          Well, we are back from Hawaii. Not that it is a surprise to all of you readers because I am pretty sure anyone who reads this, has me as a friend on Facebook. Since I pretty much live on there - you would have known over a week ago that I made it home. The reason I haven't blogged is because I really don't have much to blog about that most people don't already know just based purely on the pictures that I posted daily :) It was such an amazing trip and I would recommend Hawaii to everyone...
          Here is the cutest picture of the little two month old baby that I got to hold, cuddle, feed, change, and love while in Hawaii. I miss him dearly (as well as his two monster toddler twin brothers!) They really are the funniest little men, and added so much to our vacation. We even threatened to get C.J. a Canadian passport and take him home with us! I really need to get me one of these - I am sure they have stock at Walmart right? ;) haha!
          Diet, oy! That's a rough subject right now, haha! I ate so poorly while in Hawaii. Every single day there was at least one meal that was take out, and no attention was put on whether it was fattening or not. So needless to say I did put on a few pounds during the two weeks in Hawaii despite my best efforts to stay active and not gain anything. The GOOD news is - I didn't go over 160 which was my goal. I was really hoping I wouldn't gain anything, but I am glad that I got to enjoy that time without having to worry about a thing!
          Since we have got back we have been broke, and I mean beyond broke. Just like on every vacation, you overspend, well we overspent to the point where we literally had no money left haha! It's all good now, but it was rough for the first week we were back! So needless to say I didn't start dieting again - because I couldn't go get all my fresh veggies and all the things I am used to eating in order to lose weight (we just ate whatever was in the house). Now this week we are still trying to watch our money... so I still haven't started. However, I am trying not to eat super poorly. I haven't gained anything since I got back, but I haven't lost either.
          So let this be my pledge to all of you - and this blog... April 1st I am going to start dieting again, and blogging on a regular basis again so that it will keep me accountable. With this little setback I still predict I will be able to reach my goal weight by Christmas. I hope!
          Sorry that this blog was completely boring and random. I promise they will get better.

Kakorrhaphiophobia

the fear of failure or defeat.

          Well folks, it's that time! Tomorrow I head to Hawaii for two blissful weeks. These two weeks will NOT include calorie counting, and I will not be weighing myself. So this should be interesting. I am a little nervous that when I get back I will have gained 5-10 pounds and lost the progress that I have made thus far. The biggest fear that I have is that I am going to get back into the pattern of eating unhealthily and not be able to stop myself when I get back from just going ahead and pigging out on some of my various favourite, really bad-for-me foods. I hope that I have the strength to enjoy the vacation and all of it's lovely meals out at restaurants etc. but that I then have the strength to come back and start right back up where I left off, and continue to diet.
          I want to be 130 by the start of summer (so by July 1st lets say). That gives me lots of leniency for some failure, and it gives me lots of time to lose the weight... but it will also mean that I am so close to the weight that I was at my wedding. By mid summer then I should be able to fit back into my wedding dress, and hopefully late summer, I can wear it again for a "trash the dress" session. I don't mean actual trash like some brides do, I just have always wanted to do a session say in the water, or in a junkyard, or something! Just get some really cool, unique images of me in my wedding dress. It will also be a celebratory treat, because that means I made it back to that place, a time in my life that I actually felt good about myself again. Then everything after that will just be bonus!
          Speaking of getting closer to that weight. I have some great news! I made it to my Hawaii goal! Here is my Monday weigh in:

Start Weight: 182
Last Weight: 156.4
Current Weight: 154.8
Goal Weight: 100-110

Woot for another 1.6 lb loss. I was actually at 154.4 on Friday and Saturday morning, but Saturday evening I indulged a little (okay a lot) and ate a bunch of high calorie snacks (but did have some fruit and veggies too - they have to count for something right?!) haha. Anyway, I am so happy and feel really accomplished making my goal. Now it will be a goal of mine to try my hardest not to get out of control, and maintain my weight. I am hoping with all the exercising we will be doing that it will help in the not gaining department :)
          I will certainly be blogging from Hawaii. Maybe once or twice, maybe every other day, we will see how I feel! Until then <3

Juramentum

n. An oath

          This is going to be a short post, as I am about to get ready to go to work, but I really wanted to check in because I haven't for a few days, as I am really running out of things to blog about pertaining to weight loss. So I think after I get back from Hawaii and blog about those, then I will more than likely start blogging about various other things, so if you are reading this strictly to learn about my weight loss strategies, than you may be disappointed.
          I chose the title for this blog, because weight loss really is just that - an oath. I have had countless moments where I have really wanted to lose weight, and ever time I put on my pants that were always too tight, I would hate myself a little more and think "man, I really have to lose weight" but never has it actually motivated me to do anything about it. I don't get motivated enough until i tell myself, okay, I need to be healthier and I vow to myself that I am going to do it. Once I have my mind set like this, nothing can stop me and nothing can deter me from my goal. Yes I am going to Hawaii, and I am going to eat out probably at least once a day... but I recognize this and I will without a doubt start right back on healthy eats when I get back. I have made an oath to myself that this time next year I will be at my goal weight, and then I will still be blogging, talking about the struggles of maintaining. Because getting to my goal weight isn't the end of the battle. Being someone who struggles with being overweight, has to recognize that this is going to be lifelong! As tiring as that sounds... it's reality. Anyway, just thought I would share what keeps me going. I respect myself too much to be stuck in this overweight body for much longer. I respect myself too much to break this oath that I have made to myself, and I respect myself too much to put my body through all of the complications of being overweight. That went on to be a little more preachy, and a little more serious than I would normally write, but it is something I feel pretty passionate about!
          With that being said - I have a great weigh in to share with you all! My last weigh in had me at 159.7 and last week during TTOM, I was fluctuating between 158.9 and 158.5 but here are my stats right now...

SW: 182
LWW: 158.5 (.9)
CW: 156.4
GW: 100-110

Yay for hitting the 25lb milestone, and whoot for only 1.4 lbs until I reach my Hawaii goal, and I have a week to do it. I am bound and determined to make this happen!
Here is to hoping everyone has a great week of eating well and working out (something that I haven't been doing at all... but still losing weight because I have been eating so well! (besides pizza and chips at my nephews birthday party, but that is besides the point... btw after eating well for so long - pizza and grease gives me major freaking heartburn, it was not fun!)

I am going to leave you with a picture of the delicious salad that I had for dinner last night, and will be having again tonight. It had the following ingredients
• baby spinach as the base (4oz.)
• skinless boneless chicken breast, stripped (between 3-4oz.)
• marble cheese (about 20 g)
• garlic (.3oz.)
• cucumber (4oz.)
• mushroom (3oz.)
• broccoli (2oz.)
• tomato (4oz.)
• Kraft Catalina Calorie Wise dressing (about 2tbsp) (not shown in picture)

It was totally filling and absolutely satisfying (with only 302 calories!). It is perfect to bring to work with me so that is what I am going to do. Yes I even ate it out of this large stainless steel mixing bowl, ahaha!
Have a great day everyone!

Kamerad

sentence substitute - A shout of surrender, used by German soldiers

          Yesterday was a "bad" day for me. Diet wise that is. Otherwise it was absolutely fantastic! See, its that TotM (you can figure it out!) and yesterday was just the beginning of it, so I was somewhat irritable (Glenn can vouch for that), a little bloated, and overall just didn't care. The day started out as usual. I have a good routine going, with eating a good breakfast (to reduce sodium I have stared eating a good mixed berry cereal with skim milk and it is delicious. Plus, who would have thought that the serving size on the box is actually satisfying... I would always just pour until the bowl was filled to the top and dump in a tonne of milk, but it turns out that the serving size fills me up enough to make it to my morning snack, it's fantastic!)

My sister in law's, my brother in law, Glenn, and my niece were planning a trip to Barrie's Winterfest - check out this cute picture of my niece at winterfest (fyi it was just taken with my point and shoot camera, not my good one) ...

so I had even put a couple of Zip-Lock baggies of snacks in there to tide me over until family dinner. All was well until that point. Family dinner. Oh so good, but TOO good. Especially when all you want to do is eat! Instead of limiting myself (as I said, I was in an "I don't care" mood) I ate, and ate, and ate. Not only all of the yummy rotisserie chicken including *gasp* the skin, or the carb filled potatoes, or the absolutely delicious bread with margarine.... but here's the biggy a generous helping of Boston Cream cake. That's right folks, custard, cake, thick chocolate icing, and whipped cream (oh let's not forget the handful of mixed fruit on top.. that has to count for something right?). Don't get me wrong, I also had some delicious cauliflower, and broccolini (a mix between broccoli and kai-lan, chinese broccoli) and I probably could have even stayed within my calorie range, but didn't purely because I shouted "KAMERAD" to my cravings and just went with it. You will be happy to know however, that when I weighed myself this morning, the scale hadn't changed from the small increase I had yesterday morning (the water weight from that TotM) but still, I felt slightly guilty at the end of the night, and then really guilty when I started feeling nauseated, and was woken several times throughout the night because my stomach hated what I had done to it, and I did not feel well at all! My body was not at all used to the sheer volume of food I had consumed in one sitting! What I learned big time from this event was that I think in the end I am going to have an easier time maintaining as long as I don't let every meal get back to the way it was last night. It was a reminder that I can have one of those meals every once in a while without suddenly gaining 10 pounds, which sounds pretty ridiculous when I say it but in my head that is kind of what I am thinking.

So I vowed to make today better, and better it has been. Much, much, much better! My sister in law Jacquie, being the deary that she is, got me a couple of coupons for free classes at the gym she frequents. She asked me to come along to one with her today, and I am so glad that I did. Today was my first time trying out a Zumba class. It was a tonne of fun and the hour just flew by! I then came home, had a bite to eat, and thanks to my awesome co worker lending me her Hip Hop Abs DVD's, I did a 30 minute workout with Fat Burning Cardio workout on there. It was fantastic, I still feel some burning in my abs, but it was pretty intense when I first finished! I am on track with my eating, and about to run to the grocery store to pick up some more veggies, I go through veggies so quickly (and by my previous post of my dinner I am sure you can see why!) I think when I get back from Hawaii, I will be looking into getting a membership at a gym so that I can attend some classes on a regular basis. This is a routine I would like to establish, and continue with even once I have reached my goal weight. I think this is the most realistic for me anyway, because I just can't see myself working out on my elliptical a few times a week once I am done losing the weight. Could be a big reason why I didn't continue working out last time after I had lost a lot of weight and then gained it all back. I think with classes I will be more likely to stick with it and continue, simply because they are so much FUN!

I am not going to do my Monday weigh in due to some water weight, and I know it's water weight because my rings are tighter and harder to get off. I will wait it out another week or so and weigh in then. Until then I am just going to keep plugging along, and hope for the best. I hope everyone on this journey is doing well!

Jubilance

adj.

          1. Exultingly joyful.

          2. Expressing joy.

Just a short and sweet message for today, but thought I would share my latest weight loss news.
I am officially in the 150's!

Even though it is by a minuscule amount, it feels great!

Start Weight: 182
Current Weight: 159.7 (-22.3 lbs)
Goal Weight: 100-110

My current mini goal is to get to 155 before Hawaii (remember I set that a while back?!) well that just seems really doable right about now, but we will see if my body wants to co operate.

Now for the bad, I didn't workout once last week. Oops! But I am back in the game and getting ready to workout right now! Also as I have mentioned - I have also been horrible with my water consumption. This weeks goal is to work out 5 out of the 7 days, and drink try my hardest to drink 8 glasses of water a day. Will let you know mid-week how this is going for me! 

Hope everyone who is embarking on this weight loss journey with me is doing well, and if you are just reading this for the heck of it, thanks for reading :)

Insouciant

adj. carefree or unconcerned; light-hearted

          So I was planning to write this blog yesterday morning, but that just didn't happen. I was feeling so happy and great yesterday morning (hence the name/definition) and it's not that I am not feeling that way now. I am just not AS happy or great feeling as I was yesterday. I find as the day goes on I tend to get a little more blah. I think that is because I haven't been working out lately and just been lazing around (when not at work, and having to go to work is just another reason that my day goes from yeehaw to blah!) haha! Anyway I got to meet a few celebrities Thursday night that I was pretty excited to meet. I had pictures taken with them, and posted them to my personal Facebook page. I was actually shocked when I looked at the picture to see how much my face has thinned out with having lost 20 pounds! That made me feel pretty great, then OTHER people started commenting on how I looked great. Now I wouldn't have used the word great, by any means, but definitely am looking better than I was. It is amazing what 20 pounds can do, but I guess it is because I have such a small body that it really does make a big difference!
          So I thought I would take this time to share with you just how I have managed to stick to my diet (with very few slip ups) and have also managed to do so with very little negativity or even hunger! This is what a typical day as far as meals go -
  
     • Breakfast - usually two pieces of cracked wheat toast and raspberry jam (250 cal)
     • Snack - granny smith apple, or medium sized orange, AND some almonds (150 cal)
     • Lunch - chunky chicken noodle soup (280 cal)
     • Snack - Triscuit parmesan garlic whole wheat crackers (90 cal) YUMM!
     • Dinner - some lean meat (chicken or pork usually), and LOTS of steamed veggies (Under 300 cal)
     • Snack - half bag President's choice natural popcorn (150 cal)

        I never really manage to go hungry, I mean how could I with all of this food?!! Take a look at this picture... you cannot tell me that I am not getting enough food at dinner... and guess how many calories is on this plate?... a whopping 227 calories! I know right?! It's really amazing. I don't cook my meat in any kind of butter or oil, so there is no added calories there, and there are no seasonings, or anything on my veggies. This is all well and good for me because I absolutely love the taste of vegetables. I really would not know what to tell someone who wasn't a vegetable lover, how to diet on a calorie count type diet. It also really helps that I have a food weight scale. I recommend anyone who plans to diet via calorie counting to go get one. I bought mine from Walmart for only $12 and I absolutely love it. I know the exact calories of everything I eat because I know the exact weight of the foods I am eating!
          I also try, and try being the operative word, to drink my necessary 8 glasses of water per day but this does not always happen. Actually to be completely honest, there are more days that I drink less than half of that than there are days that I reach that goal. Although if I drink half of that, it means that I drink 4 glasses more than I used to. I am not a big fan of water, so I have to drink it with Crystal Light to even get those 4 glasses, but before I would never drink water... so it is an improvement!
          Two more days until weight in. I am not expecting a huge drop as I have had quite the week. When I went into Toronto I was starving by the time we left, and we stopped and ate out at a place in the Yorkdale Shopping Center. So needless to say I am pretty sure I was just eating at maintenance calories that day! We shall see! I would really love it if people would start posting their stats too, I love to see and cheer on other people as they make progress too! Hope you all have/had a fantastic weekend!

Hometown

n. the town or city in which a person lives or was born, or from which a person comes.
  
          I seriously miss living in Dundalk. Most people would think I was crazy saying that, but I one hundred percent mean it. If Glenn would only give in and allow it, we would move there for sure. Especially considering that it seems most of my photography jobs seem to come from that area :) Maybe it is because I moved from my hometown when I was only 12, so I didn't experience a full life, and my teenage years, in the small town... but I think it is mostly the idea of a community where I know a tonne of people and have for many many years. This feeling is near impossible to get when you are in a city. Ah well, maybe someday we will move back there. I think it would be a great place to raise a child as I know that I absolutely loved my childhood growing up there! Some may disagree about their fondness or lack there of for Dundalk, but I adore it! 
          Yesterday was a tough day, one of my best childhood friends lost her mother on the weekend and yesterday was the funeral. Every time I would look at either of her daughters, I would tear up and have to blot my eyes with a Kleenex. It was so hard to see, and all I wanted to do was take that hurt away but I know I can't and nothing will. Besides my own mother, I definitely had a couple "second mom's" when I was a child and Mary was one of them! I literally spent an entire month at their place one summer, and when I was 16 Mary allowed me to come and stay with them after a bad breakup with a boyfriend (who I lived with) and didn't really have a place to go, that I wanted to be anyway (see my love for Dundalk above!) haha. I will forever be grateful for my memories of her and will remember them, and her always! She was an extraordinary woman, and the world is a little less special without her in it.
          When I was in Dundalk these past couple of days, I got to spend some time with my grandma. It was the most special time I could have asked for. Let me just start off by saying - my grandma has got to be the funniest lady around. We were constantly joking, and bugging each other about things and my stomach was in stitches from laughing at  with her, at times. For instance, we were sitting there and my Aunt Debbie and I were comparing apps on our iPhones and my grandma being the gambler that she is, saw that we had a slot machine type game up and wanted to try it. Well my grandma and I sat there, with iPhones in both of our hands for a good hour just hitting that "bet" button and everytime I would get something good she would give me the evil eye, and when she would get something big she would make a little squeal and jump a little in her seat. It was the cutest, most fun time I have had with my grandma. I am so thankful for this bonding time that we had, and I have decided to make a point of going up and visiting much more often. I just love my family so much! 
          Ok enough about all of this mushy gushy stuff... here are my stats as of lately! 
Start Weight: 182
Last Weight: 162
Current Weight: 161.1
Goal Weight: 100-110
          That's right, the plateau is officially broken! Or it was never there and my other scale is just a spaz. Anyway yahoo for another pound lost. I will continue to celebrate every step along the way so I hope that you will always be there with me even if your initial reaction is "whoop-di-doo, 1 pound" haha! It is a huge thing for me. In case you didn't know it takes a deficit of 3500 calories to lose one pound. That's a way more impressive number :)
          Hope everyone has a fantastic rest of the week and weekend. I will likely post again soon, I am really enjoying this blog thing. Great way to release my frustrations, talk about my feelings, and connect with people in a unique way! 

Grateful

adj. 1. Appreciative of benefits received; thankful.

       2. Expressing gratitude.

          Hey all of my faithful followers (all 6 of you! haha), I am in a super grateful mood today. Not because I have lost more weight, because I haven't, but because I realize the difference that this amount of weight loss has done. For instance...  

• my 2 pairs of jeans from Aeropostale that I absolutely love now fit me so well. When I was 20 pounds heavier (and at least a pant size bigger, probably even two) I would wear these jeans, but have to wear them with a big baggy hoody to disguise the amount of fat that was coming over the top of the jeans because I refused to go up a size in pants! Now they fit perfectly in the waist and are even getting a little baggy in the thigh area. My few pairs of dress pants are getting loose to the point of just outright baggy, which feels lovely, but probably doesn't look the best.

• My engagement ring and wedding band no longer cuts off the circulation in my finger. Okay so this is a bit of an exaggeration, but I did have a very solid indent on my wedding finger from my rings. My engagement ring has always been big, I never got it resized, but it was tight 20 pounds ago, now it is too big and my wedding band fits me perfectly. It was such a struggle to get them off of my finger for a shower or to do the dishes, now they come off really easily, or easily enough (depending on the time of day and water retention!)
• Over the course of this weight loss journey I no longer feel the need to eat large portions and I don't feel the need to eat until I am stuffed, it takes much less for me to feel satisfied and that is where I stop, satisfied, not "Ugh I feel like I am going to vomit" full, which I used to think was the only way to eat apparently. 

          These are just some of the things that I have experienced in the past couple of months. There are also so many things that I am looking forward to. I have also started thinking that I should make mini goals. Things to keep me encouraged, and motivated. Right now I am really really looking forward to dropping into the 150's. Even 159 sounds freaking fantastic. Although it is only 3 pounds less than I am, it just psychologically sounds so much better than 162. I am still hoping to get to 155 before Hawaii (just one month left) but I will be more than happy to just be in the 150's.

          I realized that in my older post, I only put in ONE thing that I was excited to buy when I lost all of the weight, but here is another. I absolutely love sundresses, always have. I just never could pull them off being the weight that I was, and I never did buy any when I lost weight last time. I think it was because I never actually reached my full goal then. I will this time, and when I do my wardrobe will be full of dresses. Not just sundresses, but I love dresses in general. If you saw my wardrobe now, you would be totally uninspired. I wear jeans and tshirts, with hoodies pretty much all of the time. It's horrible. But in actuality I am really into fashion. I love love love the look of dressy casual. I also love the look of both the beachy/relaxed look, and you can be sure that I can't wait to buy a few edgy pieces as well! Here are a couple of dresses that I love at the moment, and can't wait to buy some for not this summer but next summer!

          I will be sure to check in later this week (hopefully with a smaller number on the scale!). I hope that you all have a fantastic day and week!

Elated & Fluctuations

adj. full of high spirits, exhilaration, pride or optimism; very happy
     n. constant change; vacillation; instability

           So I wrote a blog last night, and then deleted it, because it would seem as though the reason I was so "elated" was actually just a "fluctuation" in my weight. Ever since I began the weight loss journey my first time (5 or so years ago) I just assumed that the time of day that you weigh the least is in the morning, makes sense right? Because you haven't eaten anything in hours etc. Ok bit of backstory, because I am not really making sense here at all...
          Making a long blog post shorter, yesterday I bought a new scale because my old scale was erroring often (I think the batteries were dying, and I wanted one that showed the decimals where my old scale only went in .5 lb increments) so I went to Walmart, picked up this $50 awesome scale (as compared to me $15-$20 one that is at least 6-7 years old!) this scale does it all, it shows your body fat %, your water %, your BMI, you name it... so I stepped on the scale yesterday early evening (around 5-6 p.m.) only to discover that it came up as 155.7! Big difference compared to the 165 I get from my old scale. I was so worried that this new scale was going to tell me that I weigh more, because I had read of that happening. I even have photographic evidence to prove that 155.7! I didn't just weigh myself once either, I weighed myself at least 5-6 times and it was always around the 155 mark (but would change by decimals, which I learned is because I wasn't standing in the same spot each time, apparently the scale is pretty sensitive that way and I should try standing in the same spot each time).
          Anyway fast forward to this morning, I thought I would check, because I am a little obsessed with weighing myself lately, and low and behold, it said 162. I Googled it and apparently larse fluctuations in weight throughout the day isn't uncommon. I knew that weight fluctuated throughout the day, but I never thought by that much. I mean that is a solid 5 pounds! Also I didn't realize that you can actually weigh less in the afternoon, it just always seemed logical that you weigh less in the morning, but I have read that some people find they weigh less in the afternoon. Weird! I am still thrilled that it comes up at a solid 162 though! Even if I haven't broken the plateau, and this scale just weighs me in at a lower weight, I will take it! I just wanted to share this ridiculous roller coaster that I have experienced in the past 24 hours. Gah! I am just going to take it for what it is, not invest too much on the number, and work towards my goal!
SW: 182
CW: 162 (-20lbs!)
GW: 100-110
          Hope everyone has a wonderful day/week!

Destination

n. the predetermined end of a journey or voyage

          If there is one thing that I have learned in weight loss, is that you should always have a goal in mind. There should always be a reward that you have predetermined, something to look forward to (besides looking and feeling healthier of course!) I thought I would take this time to post a few pictures of the things that I look forward to rewarding myself with when I am all done losing weight! It is so great to revisit these things every once in a while so that it keeps my motivation high, and I can get excited all over again! I am a big fan of one piece bathing suits, but I can also appreciate the bikini. I know that these bathing suits will more than likely be discontinued before I am ready to buy them, but these are the ones that I am currently in love with, I absolutely love J. Crew's bathing suits, so I am sure when I AM ready to buy a bathing suit you can guarantee that is where I will be getting my bathing suit. I am sure even if these aren't available I will find more than one that I love!

 

          The polka dot one comes in a light gray that I love! Anyway, I am really looking forward to buying bathing suits similar to these for not this bathing suit season, but next. Which brings me to my next topic... I have realized that my goal date is far to aggressive for the amount of weight I want to lose, and quite unrealistic if I want to make sure that this weight stays off! If it comes off easier than expected than great, but I am not going to aim to lose 2 pounds per week (the maximum recommendation for weight loss). I have started frequenting this website http://www.caloriecount.about.com. It's a place that you can go and log all of the foods that you have eaten throughout the day, and it gives you all of the nutritional information that you have taken in that day! It is fantastic for calorie counting! On top of that they have a great forum and a community full of people from people needing to lose 100+ pounds to people who have already lost the weight and are just trying to maintain their weight now. There really is a group of people for every kind of person, filled with encouragement and motivation. Anyway, what I quickly learned is that you shouldn't lose more than 1% of your body weight per week. So as of right now, it wouldn't be healthy to lose more than 1.6 pounds per week, so that is what I am aiming for! As I continue to lose weight, that will go down, and I will lose less per week, but instead of this being a quick fix (which it started out as, I just wanted to be skinny again!!!!), it has turned into a complete lifestyle change. It's a fact that I am sick of being overweight, but I am so sick of it that I don't ever want to revert back to being overweight. So slow and steady it is, it is much more likely that I will keep it off if I continue this way! My previous goal of losing the weight by July has been thrown out the window. I am now hoping that by the end of the summer I will have lost it all, but I am not going to kick myself down if I still have a couple months after that, after all who knows how many of these plateaus I am going to have to deal with, ugh! The last time I lost weight, it was so unhealthy, I lost 2 pounds  a week without fail right down until I was 121 pounds, it's no wonder I gained it all back and then some in just  a couple of years! Well not this time, no way, no how!

          Speaking of plateau, I have been stuck at 165.5 for the last week and a half, well this morning I was at 165... so here is to hoping that it has broken. I think I shocked my body a bit yesterday by eating under my 1200 calories (not on purpose, it just happened, and I wasn't even hungry!) It's possible that my eating a normal amount today will just pile that .5 pound back on, but I am hoping that I shocked my body enough to get rid of the plateau and that I will continue to lose. 

          Everyone who is reading this, who is thinking about trying the calorie counting way to lose weight, don't hesitate to send me an email amanda_arch@hotmail.com because I have done a tonne of research on this matter, and am more than happy to answer any questions about it that you may have! As I mentioned before, I enjoy being a support system for people just as much as I enjoy having a support system for myself. 

Big hugs!

Courage

n: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

          I thought the title, and definition of this blog was appropriate seeing as how it is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in the United States. It is also said to be Blue Monday, which supposedly explains the down in the dumps mood swing that sweeps the nation. I chose to sit and think about all of the courageous people in this world past and present, like Mr. King, instead of feeling down in the dumps. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that I could complain about, especially when I am dieting... the world seems a little more annoying when you have an unhealthy love for food but are eating less because of a diet. Funny how that works. Habits are hard to break, that is for sure! I choose optimism, and I will continue to choose optimism because it really is a choice. 

          Speaking of optimism... even though I really, really did not want to get on the elliptical machine today, I did. I felt great afterward too. Well after I stopped huffing and puffing, and wiped the bucket of sweat coming from every pore! It is amazing how great I felt afterward actually considering I fought tooth and nail with myself to actually get on the machine! I highly doubt that will alter my thinking tomorrow when it comes time to jump on the elliptical for a workout though. haha! Most people will think I am crazy by saying this, and I would think that someone else was crazy if the tables were turned, but no matter your size, after a few weeks of working out, it actually does get addicting and dare I say fun! Last time that I lost weight, I got so addicted to working out that I was working out two to three hours per day, six days a week, I loved it! I am not going to let myself get that obsessive this time, but I would definitely like to get to one hour per day, six days a week. Right now, twenty minutes is kicking my butt, so it may take me a while to get to that point! I really love that in twenty minutes I can burn 155 calories though, which means I get an extra snack during the day and my metabolism is boosted, win win. 

          I still see no change in weight, and I have decided to stop stepping on the scale because I am getting increasingly annoyed with not seeing any change. Let's hope that when I step on the scale next Monday, there is a significant loss to make up for this week of nada! Everyone cross their fingers for me. I am going to be extra good this week, mixed with working out and drinking more water *bleh* because I know it will help me out. I will be sure to update you when I get the results. 

          I hope that you all have a great week, and wake up every morning and choose optimism. The only way to enjoy life is to choose to be happy. I challenge everyone to wake up in the morning and think of at least one great thing about their lives, or something great that they are going to do, or could do that day to make their day a great one! Everyone needs their down days, but if you let your life become filled with more down days than up days, you will never be happy. That's the way I see it anyway! 

           

Balderdash

n: stupid or illogical talk; senseless rubbish

          That is what this blog post is going to be. Complete rubbish, and nonsense. Last night I could not for the life of me fall asleep. When I finally did, it was short lived. I woke up probably about 3 hours later, and realized that my husband was not in the bed beside me. I am not one to enjoy change, so being the worry wart that I am, I went to investigate. I walked to the basement (my husbands equivalent to Batman's bat cave), and there he was sleeping in a freaking office chair. That boy can sleep anywhere, and he claimed he "didn't want to disturb me because I had to be up early for a photo shoot," which I would have responded if I wasn't so dead on my feet tired "then why didn't you come up into bed, it's the only reason I got up in the first place!" pfft, men...
          I find it really hard not to incorporate my personal life into my business blog, so I figure there is no way that I am going to be able to refrain from incorporating my business life into my personal blog. This morning I had a shoot with a little baby girl. I actually felt a physical pain when holding this baby, because I want to have a baby so bad! Look at this picture, how could you NOT want to have a baby after seeing/photographing/holding this baby?

           I swear that ever since I was a little girl, all I could imagine myself being was a mom. My best friends mother, who is like a second mother to me, has told me on several occasions that when we were little (I have known, and been best friends, with my best friend since I was around 4) I would go over and Candice would get mad because I would want to hold and play with her little baby brother.
          Off and on for the past few years I have had some major baby fever moments. Within a couple of weeks reality would sink in just as I was ready to make the decision and say "let's go for it!" and I would realize that I wanted to finish school, and get established before I brought a baby into this world. Now school is over, and my business is taking off much quicker than I could ever anticipate. I got a serious case of baby fever as soon as school finished, and I guess because there is nothing holding me back, it hasn't gone away, and I don't think it will until I pee on a stick and see that + sign, or two lines, or the word "pregnant". There really are too many ways that a stick can tell you that you are pregnant or not lol!
          So why don't I just give it a go? Well I have a seriously messed up reproductive system. I don't ovulate monthly, like the regular person. In fact I barely ovulate yearly. It is so unpredictable, that trying to get pregnant on my own would be the most frustrating thing I would ever have to deal with. So ladies and gentlemen, I have got a referral to a gynecologist, and should hear back soon about when I can get an appointment to discuss measures that can be taken in the trying to conceive process. Here is to hoping it doesn't take me years to get pregnant!
          The good news is, losing weight will help a lot as people who are overweight have much more problems with infertility. This was not even a factor when I made the decision to diet and live a healthier lifestyle, but it is definitely something that is constantly in the back of my mind now. Speaking of weight loss, as this is suppose to be a weight loss blog. For some reason I have hit a plateau, in fact, I have been yo-yo-ing with one pound (between 165 and 166). It is proving to be very frustrating. So far all I have been doing to lose weight is eating better (low calorie diet - eating around 1200 per day), so as of this week, I am integrating exercise into my diet plan. I really hope this breaks the plateau so that I can lose another 10 pounds before Hawaii. Cardio workouts will be especially nice for Hawaii, because we plan to do a lot of hiking, and I do not want to be huffing and puffing as we are hiking the mountains. Which I have heard can be quite difficult, so I need to get prepared. I don't know how much I will be able to do in 5 weeks, but anything will be better than the shape I am in now!
          See what I mean about rambling? I never intended for this blog post to be so long! I hope you enjoyed a further glimpse into my life, and the struggles I am dealing with at the present time. I have never been, and never will be someone who is mysterious, and doesn't share personal things about themselves. I like relating to other people on issues that require support by both being a listener, advice giver, and I appreciate the support from others when I am being the one who needs to vent.

Assurance...

n: A statement or indication that inspires confidence; a guarantee or pledge.

           Hello bloggie world, I'm Amanda. Considering most of the people reading this are probably friends of mine, I didn't really need to introduce myself but couldn't think of a better way to start off. Welcome to my blog mainly about weight loss, but will more than likely also branch out to other personal topics such as marriage, work, trying to conceive, the addiction to certain television shows, and exciting events in my life!
          For those of you who don't follow, I have a photography business and blog often (although not lately) through that, but I really tend to ramble without real relevance to my business so I figured that starting my own personal blog may help to cut back on that a little bit! I always have a tonne to say, opinions to be expressed, and stories to be shared. This will be a great outlet for my crazy antics, and current frustrations.
          Most of you who know me, know that I am overweight. Not just by a little, but not severely, somewhere in the middle. It is something that I have struggled with since I was in my very late teens, early twenties. I am ridiculously sensitive about this subject, because growing up and in highschool I was the typical athlete. I was always active, and could eat anything without gaining even a pound. Considering I spent a good nineteen to twenty years being this way to where I am now, where I just look at a piece of cake and gain two pounds, it has not been an easy adjustment.
          This isn't the first time that I have begun a weight loss journey. In 2004 my boyfriend at the time (wonderful husband now) popped the question up in Hornepayne, ON where his family has a cottage. I was about to get everything I had ever dreamed of, a big white wedding with all of my family and friends, wearing a gorgeous ballgown and marrying the man of my dreams. Only I wasn't even remotely happy with the way that I looked. We decided on a long engagement, so that was fine, I had plenty of time. Well my friends, I have never been good with time management, and I procrastinated. A whole year went by, where if I had been counting, I probably GAINED weight. Finally I kicked myself in the butt, and started on a low calorie diet. Thankfully, I lost 40 lbs, and kept it off for the wedding, showing that I had the determination that I never thought I had. It was a true test of self discipline, that I mastered with flying colours! That is a picture of me on my wedding day on the right... Oh how I look forward to the days where I am that size again. Which isn't even at my proper goal weight!
          Which brings me to that topic. Mid November my husband and I booked tickets to go to Hawaii to visit some friends of mine and for a proper vacation. We haven't had a vacation that required a plane since our honeymoon four years ago. This really got me motivated and I started dieting. No way will I be near the size I was at the wedding for our trip, but I figured that as long as I felt a little better about myself, than that would be great and I can feel okay in a one piece sipping pina colada's on the beach!

Here are my stats now, almost two months into my weight loss journey (and not gaining {or losing} anything over the holidays I have to add!):

Starting Weight: 182
Current Weight: 165 (-17lbs!)
Goal Weight: 110 (still hoping to lose 10-15lbs before Hawaii though!)
Goal Date: July 1st 2011

I still have a lot of work to do, but I can ASSURE you that I am more motivated than ever. I am more than willing to put in the work, and I hope that you all enjoy reading about my struggles and successes along the way. This is my pledge to myself, that I will not stop until I am happy with myself. I am so sick of looking in the mirror and thinking "ugh" when I should be looking in the mirror thinking "rawr"! I should be excited to go clothes shopping, as I love clothes so much, but instead I almost never go shopping because I absolutely dread it! Not only do I want to lose weight for the vain, materialistic reasons, but also because it will make trying to conceive easier, it will give me more energy for a business that is taking off much quicker than anticipated, and it will prolong a life that I am so blessed with having.
          My blog posts may not turn out to be all that interesting, they most certainly wont all be as long as this one, but I hope you will continue to follow, support, and give me the occasional kick in the butt when I just don't think I can do it any more.
          Thanks for being interested, and listening to my ramblings. I promise that they will never stop.