Lacking

n. Deficiency or absence

          Well, we are back from Hawaii. Not that it is a surprise to all of you readers because I am pretty sure anyone who reads this, has me as a friend on Facebook. Since I pretty much live on there - you would have known over a week ago that I made it home. The reason I haven't blogged is because I really don't have much to blog about that most people don't already know just based purely on the pictures that I posted daily :) It was such an amazing trip and I would recommend Hawaii to everyone...
          Here is the cutest picture of the little two month old baby that I got to hold, cuddle, feed, change, and love while in Hawaii. I miss him dearly (as well as his two monster toddler twin brothers!) They really are the funniest little men, and added so much to our vacation. We even threatened to get C.J. a Canadian passport and take him home with us! I really need to get me one of these - I am sure they have stock at Walmart right? ;) haha!
          Diet, oy! That's a rough subject right now, haha! I ate so poorly while in Hawaii. Every single day there was at least one meal that was take out, and no attention was put on whether it was fattening or not. So needless to say I did put on a few pounds during the two weeks in Hawaii despite my best efforts to stay active and not gain anything. The GOOD news is - I didn't go over 160 which was my goal. I was really hoping I wouldn't gain anything, but I am glad that I got to enjoy that time without having to worry about a thing!
          Since we have got back we have been broke, and I mean beyond broke. Just like on every vacation, you overspend, well we overspent to the point where we literally had no money left haha! It's all good now, but it was rough for the first week we were back! So needless to say I didn't start dieting again - because I couldn't go get all my fresh veggies and all the things I am used to eating in order to lose weight (we just ate whatever was in the house). Now this week we are still trying to watch our money... so I still haven't started. However, I am trying not to eat super poorly. I haven't gained anything since I got back, but I haven't lost either.
          So let this be my pledge to all of you - and this blog... April 1st I am going to start dieting again, and blogging on a regular basis again so that it will keep me accountable. With this little setback I still predict I will be able to reach my goal weight by Christmas. I hope!
          Sorry that this blog was completely boring and random. I promise they will get better.

Kakorrhaphiophobia

the fear of failure or defeat.

          Well folks, it's that time! Tomorrow I head to Hawaii for two blissful weeks. These two weeks will NOT include calorie counting, and I will not be weighing myself. So this should be interesting. I am a little nervous that when I get back I will have gained 5-10 pounds and lost the progress that I have made thus far. The biggest fear that I have is that I am going to get back into the pattern of eating unhealthily and not be able to stop myself when I get back from just going ahead and pigging out on some of my various favourite, really bad-for-me foods. I hope that I have the strength to enjoy the vacation and all of it's lovely meals out at restaurants etc. but that I then have the strength to come back and start right back up where I left off, and continue to diet.
          I want to be 130 by the start of summer (so by July 1st lets say). That gives me lots of leniency for some failure, and it gives me lots of time to lose the weight... but it will also mean that I am so close to the weight that I was at my wedding. By mid summer then I should be able to fit back into my wedding dress, and hopefully late summer, I can wear it again for a "trash the dress" session. I don't mean actual trash like some brides do, I just have always wanted to do a session say in the water, or in a junkyard, or something! Just get some really cool, unique images of me in my wedding dress. It will also be a celebratory treat, because that means I made it back to that place, a time in my life that I actually felt good about myself again. Then everything after that will just be bonus!
          Speaking of getting closer to that weight. I have some great news! I made it to my Hawaii goal! Here is my Monday weigh in:

Start Weight: 182
Last Weight: 156.4
Current Weight: 154.8
Goal Weight: 100-110

Woot for another 1.6 lb loss. I was actually at 154.4 on Friday and Saturday morning, but Saturday evening I indulged a little (okay a lot) and ate a bunch of high calorie snacks (but did have some fruit and veggies too - they have to count for something right?!) haha. Anyway, I am so happy and feel really accomplished making my goal. Now it will be a goal of mine to try my hardest not to get out of control, and maintain my weight. I am hoping with all the exercising we will be doing that it will help in the not gaining department :)
          I will certainly be blogging from Hawaii. Maybe once or twice, maybe every other day, we will see how I feel! Until then <3

Juramentum

n. An oath

          This is going to be a short post, as I am about to get ready to go to work, but I really wanted to check in because I haven't for a few days, as I am really running out of things to blog about pertaining to weight loss. So I think after I get back from Hawaii and blog about those, then I will more than likely start blogging about various other things, so if you are reading this strictly to learn about my weight loss strategies, than you may be disappointed.
          I chose the title for this blog, because weight loss really is just that - an oath. I have had countless moments where I have really wanted to lose weight, and ever time I put on my pants that were always too tight, I would hate myself a little more and think "man, I really have to lose weight" but never has it actually motivated me to do anything about it. I don't get motivated enough until i tell myself, okay, I need to be healthier and I vow to myself that I am going to do it. Once I have my mind set like this, nothing can stop me and nothing can deter me from my goal. Yes I am going to Hawaii, and I am going to eat out probably at least once a day... but I recognize this and I will without a doubt start right back on healthy eats when I get back. I have made an oath to myself that this time next year I will be at my goal weight, and then I will still be blogging, talking about the struggles of maintaining. Because getting to my goal weight isn't the end of the battle. Being someone who struggles with being overweight, has to recognize that this is going to be lifelong! As tiring as that sounds... it's reality. Anyway, just thought I would share what keeps me going. I respect myself too much to be stuck in this overweight body for much longer. I respect myself too much to break this oath that I have made to myself, and I respect myself too much to put my body through all of the complications of being overweight. That went on to be a little more preachy, and a little more serious than I would normally write, but it is something I feel pretty passionate about!
          With that being said - I have a great weigh in to share with you all! My last weigh in had me at 159.7 and last week during TTOM, I was fluctuating between 158.9 and 158.5 but here are my stats right now...

SW: 182
LWW: 158.5 (.9)
CW: 156.4
GW: 100-110

Yay for hitting the 25lb milestone, and whoot for only 1.4 lbs until I reach my Hawaii goal, and I have a week to do it. I am bound and determined to make this happen!
Here is to hoping everyone has a great week of eating well and working out (something that I haven't been doing at all... but still losing weight because I have been eating so well! (besides pizza and chips at my nephews birthday party, but that is besides the point... btw after eating well for so long - pizza and grease gives me major freaking heartburn, it was not fun!)

I am going to leave you with a picture of the delicious salad that I had for dinner last night, and will be having again tonight. It had the following ingredients
• baby spinach as the base (4oz.)
• skinless boneless chicken breast, stripped (between 3-4oz.)
• marble cheese (about 20 g)
• garlic (.3oz.)
• cucumber (4oz.)
• mushroom (3oz.)
• broccoli (2oz.)
• tomato (4oz.)
• Kraft Catalina Calorie Wise dressing (about 2tbsp) (not shown in picture)

It was totally filling and absolutely satisfying (with only 302 calories!). It is perfect to bring to work with me so that is what I am going to do. Yes I even ate it out of this large stainless steel mixing bowl, ahaha!
Have a great day everyone!

Kamerad

sentence substitute - A shout of surrender, used by German soldiers

          Yesterday was a "bad" day for me. Diet wise that is. Otherwise it was absolutely fantastic! See, its that TotM (you can figure it out!) and yesterday was just the beginning of it, so I was somewhat irritable (Glenn can vouch for that), a little bloated, and overall just didn't care. The day started out as usual. I have a good routine going, with eating a good breakfast (to reduce sodium I have stared eating a good mixed berry cereal with skim milk and it is delicious. Plus, who would have thought that the serving size on the box is actually satisfying... I would always just pour until the bowl was filled to the top and dump in a tonne of milk, but it turns out that the serving size fills me up enough to make it to my morning snack, it's fantastic!)

My sister in law's, my brother in law, Glenn, and my niece were planning a trip to Barrie's Winterfest - check out this cute picture of my niece at winterfest (fyi it was just taken with my point and shoot camera, not my good one) ...

so I had even put a couple of Zip-Lock baggies of snacks in there to tide me over until family dinner. All was well until that point. Family dinner. Oh so good, but TOO good. Especially when all you want to do is eat! Instead of limiting myself (as I said, I was in an "I don't care" mood) I ate, and ate, and ate. Not only all of the yummy rotisserie chicken including *gasp* the skin, or the carb filled potatoes, or the absolutely delicious bread with margarine.... but here's the biggy a generous helping of Boston Cream cake. That's right folks, custard, cake, thick chocolate icing, and whipped cream (oh let's not forget the handful of mixed fruit on top.. that has to count for something right?). Don't get me wrong, I also had some delicious cauliflower, and broccolini (a mix between broccoli and kai-lan, chinese broccoli) and I probably could have even stayed within my calorie range, but didn't purely because I shouted "KAMERAD" to my cravings and just went with it. You will be happy to know however, that when I weighed myself this morning, the scale hadn't changed from the small increase I had yesterday morning (the water weight from that TotM) but still, I felt slightly guilty at the end of the night, and then really guilty when I started feeling nauseated, and was woken several times throughout the night because my stomach hated what I had done to it, and I did not feel well at all! My body was not at all used to the sheer volume of food I had consumed in one sitting! What I learned big time from this event was that I think in the end I am going to have an easier time maintaining as long as I don't let every meal get back to the way it was last night. It was a reminder that I can have one of those meals every once in a while without suddenly gaining 10 pounds, which sounds pretty ridiculous when I say it but in my head that is kind of what I am thinking.

So I vowed to make today better, and better it has been. Much, much, much better! My sister in law Jacquie, being the deary that she is, got me a couple of coupons for free classes at the gym she frequents. She asked me to come along to one with her today, and I am so glad that I did. Today was my first time trying out a Zumba class. It was a tonne of fun and the hour just flew by! I then came home, had a bite to eat, and thanks to my awesome co worker lending me her Hip Hop Abs DVD's, I did a 30 minute workout with Fat Burning Cardio workout on there. It was fantastic, I still feel some burning in my abs, but it was pretty intense when I first finished! I am on track with my eating, and about to run to the grocery store to pick up some more veggies, I go through veggies so quickly (and by my previous post of my dinner I am sure you can see why!) I think when I get back from Hawaii, I will be looking into getting a membership at a gym so that I can attend some classes on a regular basis. This is a routine I would like to establish, and continue with even once I have reached my goal weight. I think this is the most realistic for me anyway, because I just can't see myself working out on my elliptical a few times a week once I am done losing the weight. Could be a big reason why I didn't continue working out last time after I had lost a lot of weight and then gained it all back. I think with classes I will be more likely to stick with it and continue, simply because they are so much FUN!

I am not going to do my Monday weigh in due to some water weight, and I know it's water weight because my rings are tighter and harder to get off. I will wait it out another week or so and weigh in then. Until then I am just going to keep plugging along, and hope for the best. I hope everyone on this journey is doing well!

Jubilance

adj.

          1. Exultingly joyful.

          2. Expressing joy.

Just a short and sweet message for today, but thought I would share my latest weight loss news.
I am officially in the 150's!

Even though it is by a minuscule amount, it feels great!

Start Weight: 182
Current Weight: 159.7 (-22.3 lbs)
Goal Weight: 100-110

My current mini goal is to get to 155 before Hawaii (remember I set that a while back?!) well that just seems really doable right about now, but we will see if my body wants to co operate.

Now for the bad, I didn't workout once last week. Oops! But I am back in the game and getting ready to workout right now! Also as I have mentioned - I have also been horrible with my water consumption. This weeks goal is to work out 5 out of the 7 days, and drink try my hardest to drink 8 glasses of water a day. Will let you know mid-week how this is going for me! 

Hope everyone who is embarking on this weight loss journey with me is doing well, and if you are just reading this for the heck of it, thanks for reading :)

Insouciant

adj. carefree or unconcerned; light-hearted

          So I was planning to write this blog yesterday morning, but that just didn't happen. I was feeling so happy and great yesterday morning (hence the name/definition) and it's not that I am not feeling that way now. I am just not AS happy or great feeling as I was yesterday. I find as the day goes on I tend to get a little more blah. I think that is because I haven't been working out lately and just been lazing around (when not at work, and having to go to work is just another reason that my day goes from yeehaw to blah!) haha! Anyway I got to meet a few celebrities Thursday night that I was pretty excited to meet. I had pictures taken with them, and posted them to my personal Facebook page. I was actually shocked when I looked at the picture to see how much my face has thinned out with having lost 20 pounds! That made me feel pretty great, then OTHER people started commenting on how I looked great. Now I wouldn't have used the word great, by any means, but definitely am looking better than I was. It is amazing what 20 pounds can do, but I guess it is because I have such a small body that it really does make a big difference!
          So I thought I would take this time to share with you just how I have managed to stick to my diet (with very few slip ups) and have also managed to do so with very little negativity or even hunger! This is what a typical day as far as meals go -
  
     • Breakfast - usually two pieces of cracked wheat toast and raspberry jam (250 cal)
     • Snack - granny smith apple, or medium sized orange, AND some almonds (150 cal)
     • Lunch - chunky chicken noodle soup (280 cal)
     • Snack - Triscuit parmesan garlic whole wheat crackers (90 cal) YUMM!
     • Dinner - some lean meat (chicken or pork usually), and LOTS of steamed veggies (Under 300 cal)
     • Snack - half bag President's choice natural popcorn (150 cal)

        I never really manage to go hungry, I mean how could I with all of this food?!! Take a look at this picture... you cannot tell me that I am not getting enough food at dinner... and guess how many calories is on this plate?... a whopping 227 calories! I know right?! It's really amazing. I don't cook my meat in any kind of butter or oil, so there is no added calories there, and there are no seasonings, or anything on my veggies. This is all well and good for me because I absolutely love the taste of vegetables. I really would not know what to tell someone who wasn't a vegetable lover, how to diet on a calorie count type diet. It also really helps that I have a food weight scale. I recommend anyone who plans to diet via calorie counting to go get one. I bought mine from Walmart for only $12 and I absolutely love it. I know the exact calories of everything I eat because I know the exact weight of the foods I am eating!
          I also try, and try being the operative word, to drink my necessary 8 glasses of water per day but this does not always happen. Actually to be completely honest, there are more days that I drink less than half of that than there are days that I reach that goal. Although if I drink half of that, it means that I drink 4 glasses more than I used to. I am not a big fan of water, so I have to drink it with Crystal Light to even get those 4 glasses, but before I would never drink water... so it is an improvement!
          Two more days until weight in. I am not expecting a huge drop as I have had quite the week. When I went into Toronto I was starving by the time we left, and we stopped and ate out at a place in the Yorkdale Shopping Center. So needless to say I am pretty sure I was just eating at maintenance calories that day! We shall see! I would really love it if people would start posting their stats too, I love to see and cheer on other people as they make progress too! Hope you all have/had a fantastic weekend!

Hometown

n. the town or city in which a person lives or was born, or from which a person comes.
  
          I seriously miss living in Dundalk. Most people would think I was crazy saying that, but I one hundred percent mean it. If Glenn would only give in and allow it, we would move there for sure. Especially considering that it seems most of my photography jobs seem to come from that area :) Maybe it is because I moved from my hometown when I was only 12, so I didn't experience a full life, and my teenage years, in the small town... but I think it is mostly the idea of a community where I know a tonne of people and have for many many years. This feeling is near impossible to get when you are in a city. Ah well, maybe someday we will move back there. I think it would be a great place to raise a child as I know that I absolutely loved my childhood growing up there! Some may disagree about their fondness or lack there of for Dundalk, but I adore it! 
          Yesterday was a tough day, one of my best childhood friends lost her mother on the weekend and yesterday was the funeral. Every time I would look at either of her daughters, I would tear up and have to blot my eyes with a Kleenex. It was so hard to see, and all I wanted to do was take that hurt away but I know I can't and nothing will. Besides my own mother, I definitely had a couple "second mom's" when I was a child and Mary was one of them! I literally spent an entire month at their place one summer, and when I was 16 Mary allowed me to come and stay with them after a bad breakup with a boyfriend (who I lived with) and didn't really have a place to go, that I wanted to be anyway (see my love for Dundalk above!) haha. I will forever be grateful for my memories of her and will remember them, and her always! She was an extraordinary woman, and the world is a little less special without her in it.
          When I was in Dundalk these past couple of days, I got to spend some time with my grandma. It was the most special time I could have asked for. Let me just start off by saying - my grandma has got to be the funniest lady around. We were constantly joking, and bugging each other about things and my stomach was in stitches from laughing at  with her, at times. For instance, we were sitting there and my Aunt Debbie and I were comparing apps on our iPhones and my grandma being the gambler that she is, saw that we had a slot machine type game up and wanted to try it. Well my grandma and I sat there, with iPhones in both of our hands for a good hour just hitting that "bet" button and everytime I would get something good she would give me the evil eye, and when she would get something big she would make a little squeal and jump a little in her seat. It was the cutest, most fun time I have had with my grandma. I am so thankful for this bonding time that we had, and I have decided to make a point of going up and visiting much more often. I just love my family so much! 
          Ok enough about all of this mushy gushy stuff... here are my stats as of lately! 
Start Weight: 182
Last Weight: 162
Current Weight: 161.1
Goal Weight: 100-110
          That's right, the plateau is officially broken! Or it was never there and my other scale is just a spaz. Anyway yahoo for another pound lost. I will continue to celebrate every step along the way so I hope that you will always be there with me even if your initial reaction is "whoop-di-doo, 1 pound" haha! It is a huge thing for me. In case you didn't know it takes a deficit of 3500 calories to lose one pound. That's a way more impressive number :)
          Hope everyone has a fantastic rest of the week and weekend. I will likely post again soon, I am really enjoying this blog thing. Great way to release my frustrations, talk about my feelings, and connect with people in a unique way!