Grateful

adj. 1. Appreciative of benefits received; thankful.

       2. Expressing gratitude.

          Hey all of my faithful followers (all 6 of you! haha), I am in a super grateful mood today. Not because I have lost more weight, because I haven't, but because I realize the difference that this amount of weight loss has done. For instance...  

• my 2 pairs of jeans from Aeropostale that I absolutely love now fit me so well. When I was 20 pounds heavier (and at least a pant size bigger, probably even two) I would wear these jeans, but have to wear them with a big baggy hoody to disguise the amount of fat that was coming over the top of the jeans because I refused to go up a size in pants! Now they fit perfectly in the waist and are even getting a little baggy in the thigh area. My few pairs of dress pants are getting loose to the point of just outright baggy, which feels lovely, but probably doesn't look the best.

• My engagement ring and wedding band no longer cuts off the circulation in my finger. Okay so this is a bit of an exaggeration, but I did have a very solid indent on my wedding finger from my rings. My engagement ring has always been big, I never got it resized, but it was tight 20 pounds ago, now it is too big and my wedding band fits me perfectly. It was such a struggle to get them off of my finger for a shower or to do the dishes, now they come off really easily, or easily enough (depending on the time of day and water retention!)
• Over the course of this weight loss journey I no longer feel the need to eat large portions and I don't feel the need to eat until I am stuffed, it takes much less for me to feel satisfied and that is where I stop, satisfied, not "Ugh I feel like I am going to vomit" full, which I used to think was the only way to eat apparently. 

          These are just some of the things that I have experienced in the past couple of months. There are also so many things that I am looking forward to. I have also started thinking that I should make mini goals. Things to keep me encouraged, and motivated. Right now I am really really looking forward to dropping into the 150's. Even 159 sounds freaking fantastic. Although it is only 3 pounds less than I am, it just psychologically sounds so much better than 162. I am still hoping to get to 155 before Hawaii (just one month left) but I will be more than happy to just be in the 150's.

          I realized that in my older post, I only put in ONE thing that I was excited to buy when I lost all of the weight, but here is another. I absolutely love sundresses, always have. I just never could pull them off being the weight that I was, and I never did buy any when I lost weight last time. I think it was because I never actually reached my full goal then. I will this time, and when I do my wardrobe will be full of dresses. Not just sundresses, but I love dresses in general. If you saw my wardrobe now, you would be totally uninspired. I wear jeans and tshirts, with hoodies pretty much all of the time. It's horrible. But in actuality I am really into fashion. I love love love the look of dressy casual. I also love the look of both the beachy/relaxed look, and you can be sure that I can't wait to buy a few edgy pieces as well! Here are a couple of dresses that I love at the moment, and can't wait to buy some for not this summer but next summer!

          I will be sure to check in later this week (hopefully with a smaller number on the scale!). I hope that you all have a fantastic day and week!

Elated & Fluctuations

adj. full of high spirits, exhilaration, pride or optimism; very happy
     n. constant change; vacillation; instability

           So I wrote a blog last night, and then deleted it, because it would seem as though the reason I was so "elated" was actually just a "fluctuation" in my weight. Ever since I began the weight loss journey my first time (5 or so years ago) I just assumed that the time of day that you weigh the least is in the morning, makes sense right? Because you haven't eaten anything in hours etc. Ok bit of backstory, because I am not really making sense here at all...
          Making a long blog post shorter, yesterday I bought a new scale because my old scale was erroring often (I think the batteries were dying, and I wanted one that showed the decimals where my old scale only went in .5 lb increments) so I went to Walmart, picked up this $50 awesome scale (as compared to me $15-$20 one that is at least 6-7 years old!) this scale does it all, it shows your body fat %, your water %, your BMI, you name it... so I stepped on the scale yesterday early evening (around 5-6 p.m.) only to discover that it came up as 155.7! Big difference compared to the 165 I get from my old scale. I was so worried that this new scale was going to tell me that I weigh more, because I had read of that happening. I even have photographic evidence to prove that 155.7! I didn't just weigh myself once either, I weighed myself at least 5-6 times and it was always around the 155 mark (but would change by decimals, which I learned is because I wasn't standing in the same spot each time, apparently the scale is pretty sensitive that way and I should try standing in the same spot each time).
          Anyway fast forward to this morning, I thought I would check, because I am a little obsessed with weighing myself lately, and low and behold, it said 162. I Googled it and apparently larse fluctuations in weight throughout the day isn't uncommon. I knew that weight fluctuated throughout the day, but I never thought by that much. I mean that is a solid 5 pounds! Also I didn't realize that you can actually weigh less in the afternoon, it just always seemed logical that you weigh less in the morning, but I have read that some people find they weigh less in the afternoon. Weird! I am still thrilled that it comes up at a solid 162 though! Even if I haven't broken the plateau, and this scale just weighs me in at a lower weight, I will take it! I just wanted to share this ridiculous roller coaster that I have experienced in the past 24 hours. Gah! I am just going to take it for what it is, not invest too much on the number, and work towards my goal!
SW: 182
CW: 162 (-20lbs!)
GW: 100-110
          Hope everyone has a wonderful day/week!

Destination

n. the predetermined end of a journey or voyage

          If there is one thing that I have learned in weight loss, is that you should always have a goal in mind. There should always be a reward that you have predetermined, something to look forward to (besides looking and feeling healthier of course!) I thought I would take this time to post a few pictures of the things that I look forward to rewarding myself with when I am all done losing weight! It is so great to revisit these things every once in a while so that it keeps my motivation high, and I can get excited all over again! I am a big fan of one piece bathing suits, but I can also appreciate the bikini. I know that these bathing suits will more than likely be discontinued before I am ready to buy them, but these are the ones that I am currently in love with, I absolutely love J. Crew's bathing suits, so I am sure when I AM ready to buy a bathing suit you can guarantee that is where I will be getting my bathing suit. I am sure even if these aren't available I will find more than one that I love!

 

          The polka dot one comes in a light gray that I love! Anyway, I am really looking forward to buying bathing suits similar to these for not this bathing suit season, but next. Which brings me to my next topic... I have realized that my goal date is far to aggressive for the amount of weight I want to lose, and quite unrealistic if I want to make sure that this weight stays off! If it comes off easier than expected than great, but I am not going to aim to lose 2 pounds per week (the maximum recommendation for weight loss). I have started frequenting this website http://www.caloriecount.about.com. It's a place that you can go and log all of the foods that you have eaten throughout the day, and it gives you all of the nutritional information that you have taken in that day! It is fantastic for calorie counting! On top of that they have a great forum and a community full of people from people needing to lose 100+ pounds to people who have already lost the weight and are just trying to maintain their weight now. There really is a group of people for every kind of person, filled with encouragement and motivation. Anyway, what I quickly learned is that you shouldn't lose more than 1% of your body weight per week. So as of right now, it wouldn't be healthy to lose more than 1.6 pounds per week, so that is what I am aiming for! As I continue to lose weight, that will go down, and I will lose less per week, but instead of this being a quick fix (which it started out as, I just wanted to be skinny again!!!!), it has turned into a complete lifestyle change. It's a fact that I am sick of being overweight, but I am so sick of it that I don't ever want to revert back to being overweight. So slow and steady it is, it is much more likely that I will keep it off if I continue this way! My previous goal of losing the weight by July has been thrown out the window. I am now hoping that by the end of the summer I will have lost it all, but I am not going to kick myself down if I still have a couple months after that, after all who knows how many of these plateaus I am going to have to deal with, ugh! The last time I lost weight, it was so unhealthy, I lost 2 pounds  a week without fail right down until I was 121 pounds, it's no wonder I gained it all back and then some in just  a couple of years! Well not this time, no way, no how!

          Speaking of plateau, I have been stuck at 165.5 for the last week and a half, well this morning I was at 165... so here is to hoping that it has broken. I think I shocked my body a bit yesterday by eating under my 1200 calories (not on purpose, it just happened, and I wasn't even hungry!) It's possible that my eating a normal amount today will just pile that .5 pound back on, but I am hoping that I shocked my body enough to get rid of the plateau and that I will continue to lose. 

          Everyone who is reading this, who is thinking about trying the calorie counting way to lose weight, don't hesitate to send me an email amanda_arch@hotmail.com because I have done a tonne of research on this matter, and am more than happy to answer any questions about it that you may have! As I mentioned before, I enjoy being a support system for people just as much as I enjoy having a support system for myself. 

Big hugs!

Courage

n: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

          I thought the title, and definition of this blog was appropriate seeing as how it is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in the United States. It is also said to be Blue Monday, which supposedly explains the down in the dumps mood swing that sweeps the nation. I chose to sit and think about all of the courageous people in this world past and present, like Mr. King, instead of feeling down in the dumps. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that I could complain about, especially when I am dieting... the world seems a little more annoying when you have an unhealthy love for food but are eating less because of a diet. Funny how that works. Habits are hard to break, that is for sure! I choose optimism, and I will continue to choose optimism because it really is a choice. 

          Speaking of optimism... even though I really, really did not want to get on the elliptical machine today, I did. I felt great afterward too. Well after I stopped huffing and puffing, and wiped the bucket of sweat coming from every pore! It is amazing how great I felt afterward actually considering I fought tooth and nail with myself to actually get on the machine! I highly doubt that will alter my thinking tomorrow when it comes time to jump on the elliptical for a workout though. haha! Most people will think I am crazy by saying this, and I would think that someone else was crazy if the tables were turned, but no matter your size, after a few weeks of working out, it actually does get addicting and dare I say fun! Last time that I lost weight, I got so addicted to working out that I was working out two to three hours per day, six days a week, I loved it! I am not going to let myself get that obsessive this time, but I would definitely like to get to one hour per day, six days a week. Right now, twenty minutes is kicking my butt, so it may take me a while to get to that point! I really love that in twenty minutes I can burn 155 calories though, which means I get an extra snack during the day and my metabolism is boosted, win win. 

          I still see no change in weight, and I have decided to stop stepping on the scale because I am getting increasingly annoyed with not seeing any change. Let's hope that when I step on the scale next Monday, there is a significant loss to make up for this week of nada! Everyone cross their fingers for me. I am going to be extra good this week, mixed with working out and drinking more water *bleh* because I know it will help me out. I will be sure to update you when I get the results. 

          I hope that you all have a great week, and wake up every morning and choose optimism. The only way to enjoy life is to choose to be happy. I challenge everyone to wake up in the morning and think of at least one great thing about their lives, or something great that they are going to do, or could do that day to make their day a great one! Everyone needs their down days, but if you let your life become filled with more down days than up days, you will never be happy. That's the way I see it anyway! 

           

Balderdash

n: stupid or illogical talk; senseless rubbish

          That is what this blog post is going to be. Complete rubbish, and nonsense. Last night I could not for the life of me fall asleep. When I finally did, it was short lived. I woke up probably about 3 hours later, and realized that my husband was not in the bed beside me. I am not one to enjoy change, so being the worry wart that I am, I went to investigate. I walked to the basement (my husbands equivalent to Batman's bat cave), and there he was sleeping in a freaking office chair. That boy can sleep anywhere, and he claimed he "didn't want to disturb me because I had to be up early for a photo shoot," which I would have responded if I wasn't so dead on my feet tired "then why didn't you come up into bed, it's the only reason I got up in the first place!" pfft, men...
          I find it really hard not to incorporate my personal life into my business blog, so I figure there is no way that I am going to be able to refrain from incorporating my business life into my personal blog. This morning I had a shoot with a little baby girl. I actually felt a physical pain when holding this baby, because I want to have a baby so bad! Look at this picture, how could you NOT want to have a baby after seeing/photographing/holding this baby?

           I swear that ever since I was a little girl, all I could imagine myself being was a mom. My best friends mother, who is like a second mother to me, has told me on several occasions that when we were little (I have known, and been best friends, with my best friend since I was around 4) I would go over and Candice would get mad because I would want to hold and play with her little baby brother.
          Off and on for the past few years I have had some major baby fever moments. Within a couple of weeks reality would sink in just as I was ready to make the decision and say "let's go for it!" and I would realize that I wanted to finish school, and get established before I brought a baby into this world. Now school is over, and my business is taking off much quicker than I could ever anticipate. I got a serious case of baby fever as soon as school finished, and I guess because there is nothing holding me back, it hasn't gone away, and I don't think it will until I pee on a stick and see that + sign, or two lines, or the word "pregnant". There really are too many ways that a stick can tell you that you are pregnant or not lol!
          So why don't I just give it a go? Well I have a seriously messed up reproductive system. I don't ovulate monthly, like the regular person. In fact I barely ovulate yearly. It is so unpredictable, that trying to get pregnant on my own would be the most frustrating thing I would ever have to deal with. So ladies and gentlemen, I have got a referral to a gynecologist, and should hear back soon about when I can get an appointment to discuss measures that can be taken in the trying to conceive process. Here is to hoping it doesn't take me years to get pregnant!
          The good news is, losing weight will help a lot as people who are overweight have much more problems with infertility. This was not even a factor when I made the decision to diet and live a healthier lifestyle, but it is definitely something that is constantly in the back of my mind now. Speaking of weight loss, as this is suppose to be a weight loss blog. For some reason I have hit a plateau, in fact, I have been yo-yo-ing with one pound (between 165 and 166). It is proving to be very frustrating. So far all I have been doing to lose weight is eating better (low calorie diet - eating around 1200 per day), so as of this week, I am integrating exercise into my diet plan. I really hope this breaks the plateau so that I can lose another 10 pounds before Hawaii. Cardio workouts will be especially nice for Hawaii, because we plan to do a lot of hiking, and I do not want to be huffing and puffing as we are hiking the mountains. Which I have heard can be quite difficult, so I need to get prepared. I don't know how much I will be able to do in 5 weeks, but anything will be better than the shape I am in now!
          See what I mean about rambling? I never intended for this blog post to be so long! I hope you enjoyed a further glimpse into my life, and the struggles I am dealing with at the present time. I have never been, and never will be someone who is mysterious, and doesn't share personal things about themselves. I like relating to other people on issues that require support by both being a listener, advice giver, and I appreciate the support from others when I am being the one who needs to vent.

Assurance...

n: A statement or indication that inspires confidence; a guarantee or pledge.

           Hello bloggie world, I'm Amanda. Considering most of the people reading this are probably friends of mine, I didn't really need to introduce myself but couldn't think of a better way to start off. Welcome to my blog mainly about weight loss, but will more than likely also branch out to other personal topics such as marriage, work, trying to conceive, the addiction to certain television shows, and exciting events in my life!
          For those of you who don't follow, I have a photography business and blog often (although not lately) through that, but I really tend to ramble without real relevance to my business so I figured that starting my own personal blog may help to cut back on that a little bit! I always have a tonne to say, opinions to be expressed, and stories to be shared. This will be a great outlet for my crazy antics, and current frustrations.
          Most of you who know me, know that I am overweight. Not just by a little, but not severely, somewhere in the middle. It is something that I have struggled with since I was in my very late teens, early twenties. I am ridiculously sensitive about this subject, because growing up and in highschool I was the typical athlete. I was always active, and could eat anything without gaining even a pound. Considering I spent a good nineteen to twenty years being this way to where I am now, where I just look at a piece of cake and gain two pounds, it has not been an easy adjustment.
          This isn't the first time that I have begun a weight loss journey. In 2004 my boyfriend at the time (wonderful husband now) popped the question up in Hornepayne, ON where his family has a cottage. I was about to get everything I had ever dreamed of, a big white wedding with all of my family and friends, wearing a gorgeous ballgown and marrying the man of my dreams. Only I wasn't even remotely happy with the way that I looked. We decided on a long engagement, so that was fine, I had plenty of time. Well my friends, I have never been good with time management, and I procrastinated. A whole year went by, where if I had been counting, I probably GAINED weight. Finally I kicked myself in the butt, and started on a low calorie diet. Thankfully, I lost 40 lbs, and kept it off for the wedding, showing that I had the determination that I never thought I had. It was a true test of self discipline, that I mastered with flying colours! That is a picture of me on my wedding day on the right... Oh how I look forward to the days where I am that size again. Which isn't even at my proper goal weight!
          Which brings me to that topic. Mid November my husband and I booked tickets to go to Hawaii to visit some friends of mine and for a proper vacation. We haven't had a vacation that required a plane since our honeymoon four years ago. This really got me motivated and I started dieting. No way will I be near the size I was at the wedding for our trip, but I figured that as long as I felt a little better about myself, than that would be great and I can feel okay in a one piece sipping pina colada's on the beach!

Here are my stats now, almost two months into my weight loss journey (and not gaining {or losing} anything over the holidays I have to add!):

Starting Weight: 182
Current Weight: 165 (-17lbs!)
Goal Weight: 110 (still hoping to lose 10-15lbs before Hawaii though!)
Goal Date: July 1st 2011

I still have a lot of work to do, but I can ASSURE you that I am more motivated than ever. I am more than willing to put in the work, and I hope that you all enjoy reading about my struggles and successes along the way. This is my pledge to myself, that I will not stop until I am happy with myself. I am so sick of looking in the mirror and thinking "ugh" when I should be looking in the mirror thinking "rawr"! I should be excited to go clothes shopping, as I love clothes so much, but instead I almost never go shopping because I absolutely dread it! Not only do I want to lose weight for the vain, materialistic reasons, but also because it will make trying to conceive easier, it will give me more energy for a business that is taking off much quicker than anticipated, and it will prolong a life that I am so blessed with having.
          My blog posts may not turn out to be all that interesting, they most certainly wont all be as long as this one, but I hope you will continue to follow, support, and give me the occasional kick in the butt when I just don't think I can do it any more.
          Thanks for being interested, and listening to my ramblings. I promise that they will never stop.